Being transparent is vital for growth. Sometimes, you have to show a person the real you in order to encourage and motivate others.
Many of you reading this may in fact be single. Some of you may be loving it while some of you are hating every minute of it.
Regardless of the category that you may fall into; your singleness is an opportunity of revealing, growth and learning.
The purpose of this post is to create an atmosphere of connection and moments that make you go, oh wow I’m not the only one. It is important to have those moments because it activates a feeling of acceptance and encouragement.
Being single has taught me some things that I wish I learned sooner but I am still thankful that I learned and still learning.
1.) It is okay to have standards.
I have met various types of guys these past several months. My encounters were truly a test to see if I was truly practicing what I preaching when it came to self-worth and dating. I found myself saying a lot of no’s but I knew that it was leading me closer to a yes.
Each person I came in contact with, re-iterated that I refused to be used or to settle for just anyone just to fill a void. Your standards, is a road map for your destination. It should be a compass that directs you to genuine and authentic love.
2.) I am entirely too hard on people.
I know I just spoke about standards and the importance of having them but my singleness has revealed to me that
I tend to go a little bit overboard. I found myself picking at every little thing, literally!
I would try to convince myself that an individual was not right for me, therefore I do not even have to give them a chance at even a friendship. That mindset led me to become unapproachable and unlovable.
Every interaction or encounter is not meant to be a love connection. I was beginning to learn that. God was beginning to show me that there was purpose in my meetings. I would miss that purpose by immediately dismissing a friendship. Maybe God wanted me to speak life into a man that I would meet.
Even if he was not the one, maybe God wanted me to tell him the importance of HIM so that a seed can be planted. Whatever the purpose was, IF there was a purpose, I had to get myself together when it comes down to picking at the little things because I didn’t want to miss out on the big things.
3.) This is a great opportunity to get ME together!
I am learning that there is so much that I need to do and things that must be established. Why not now!
My singleness has been an opportunity to work hard and get myself together financially, emotionally, mentally, spiritually and physically. The things that I did not like about myself was a time for me to get things right and together without feeling rushed! If I wanted to be healthier, why not now. If I wanted to read more, why not now. I could begin to get myself into a habit of things that will pour into me and shape me as a woman.
4.) I did NOT want to be in a relationship just to be in one.
Many of us can truly relate to the quote: single by choice. Being single has taught me that it is something that I chose. Even through my lonely moments, I had a choice to call person to comfort and show me affection.
Before you get ahead of yourself and say, wait you love God and a guy is a phone call away!?
There are people who do not care for relationships just relations whenever you are ready for them. However, I will never be ready for that so I refused to succumb to that.
I began to realize that I had a choice to just be with someone for the perks of being in a relationship for Facebook or Instagram or be with someone with a deep meaning to it.
As I began to realize who I was as a woman, I questioned intentions. Not just the guys intentions but the Union itself. I would simply ask myself: what is the purpose of a possible us, can this man motivate and support my aspirations/can I motivate and support his as well.
I do believe that there is purpose in relationships and marriages (especially). The more I thought about purpose, the more I would think of things such as these: Is this man a part of something that I can mesh into. Will we one day own a business to motivate people. What are WE going to do to impact this world because we cannot be the only person to benefit an US. I wanted more than the lovey dovey.
I love romantics but I wanted growth, empowerment and encouragement that even strangers could benefit from.
5.) That my past is preparing me for true unconditional love.
My heart desires to love a man one day and I do not feel shame nor desperateness in that statement.
There’s nothing wrong with desiring that but it becomes a problem once you negatively compromise yourself for it.
Being single has been a time that I would contemplate on various things from my past. I was contemplating from a learning stance, not a dwell on the past hurts stance.
I felt like a student in the school of love. Taking notes and applying new applications.
I refused to let mistakes and failures be in vain. I had to verbally remind myself of that. Romans 8:28 was constantly on my noggin and that was the confirmation that I needed that ALL of what I went through IS going to work out for MY GOOD!
6.) To listen through my eyes
Words have played such a big role in my life as a writer. Often times, it has blinded me from the obvious; ACTIONS.
Being single has strengthened my discernment through the grace of God! I have become wiser from God. I stopped running away with words and I stood still, prayed and watched things manifest!
This may sound weird to some but I would simply tell God, hey dad I met “Bob” and he seems nice but may your will be done. Please reveal to me “Bob” and take control.
God was the authority that I needed. I would literally tell HIM everything and bam something always would happen!! I would be disappointed but I knew that he was saving me from something.
My ears were no longer caressed with desire. My lens took its place. I would watch intently and see if this person is truly who they claim to be. I stopped justifying with what they would say and began to accept what I SAW.
This journey has had its ups and its downs. It has its pros and its cons. But one thing I can truly say is that I have been learning more about myself and God. I have been writing more and sharing my experiences with others more.
If you are struggling I need you to do ONE thing: keep it REAL with God! Vent to HIM, cry to HIM, share it ALL to HIM. Singleness is not a death sentence; it is a constant birthing to a better you.
Ladies why do you think that when he finds you, he finds a good thing! And fellas why do you think that you are able to identify the right one!
Ponder on that and let it excite you for what and who God brings into your life.