The past few months had been emotionally exhausting, confusing, eye-opening, disappointing but still a bit empowering and joyful. All of which caused drastic changes that led me to:
Step out of my comfort zone
Advocate for myself
Let go of people that no longer brought me joy
Choosing joy was a decision that derived from me "being tired of being so sick and tired". Making the decision to choose joy forced me to take a time out to truly reflect and explore what I really needed. Particularly in the area of dating and my career.
I was at a space in my professional career that I desired more and that "more" was in the form of a leadership role. As a Black woman, I knew that fulfilling that desire would not be a walk in the park and that it would more than likely create friction and cultivate vulnerable conversations around racial equity at my former workplace.
In the end, my desire for more slipped through my finger tips so I made the decision to choose joy by taking an uncomfortable and I mean a hugeeeeee uncomfortable leap of faith by applying applying for various external leadership positions.
My decision to do so was not something I did on my own strength. It was through the help of God, my very close friends (who were not afraid to call me out for playing it "safe" in previous roles), my family members who believed in me more than I believed in myself and a very inspiring book titled, The Memo By Minda Harts; that catapulted me in the direction that I needed to go. That momentum didn't just stay there; it seeped in the area of my dating life.
Now, if you know me, then you are aware that I am very transparent about my negative experiences with choosing the wrong kind of guy. Those experiences led to negative patterns that certainly caught up to me.
As a result, it left me emotionally DRAINED. As weird as this may sound, that was actually what I needed to experience for my "wake up call".
Waking up coerced me to evaluate my dating patterns and measure how healthy and unhealthy they were. There were many unhealthy patterns that I discovered about myself but it was not until I found myself in another "situationship" that I knew I needed to "clean house" for good!
Cleaning house for me was making a healthy decision and seeking accountability to hold to those standards. That accountability was in the form of therapy and have some amazing ladies in my corner who encouraged me to ask those tough questions such as, what are we and where is this going.
From what I gathered, I had no choice but to start dating with a clean slate since I had a fresh outlook about it. I made a conscious decision to start over even though it would mean being alone for a bit and not going out on frequent dated. But I was actually okay with it. I knew I wanted more but my current environment at that time did not honor that so I had to do what needed to be done. I deleted numbers, unfollowed certain individuals on social media and had various conversations around no longer being interested in pursing things further. It was a difficult task but it brought great relief!
Choosing joy did not come with feelings of butterflies or excitement. It was actually scary because I was making a change that would ultimately position me in a new environment. However, despite the initial fears that choosing joy came with, I look back and truly do believe that it was worth it.
My question to you today is; in what area will you be choosing joy in?