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Defining and Understanding Situation-ships (Part 1)

Situation-ships can be a touchy subject to discuss because some people are embarrassed to admit that they have been involved in one or those who have been the initiator of one hate when they are called out on it. Regardless of what category one may fall in, I truly do believe that it is a topic that needs to frequently be discussed in 2018. Now before you pass any judgement on those who have been in a situation-ship, let me be frank with you by saying that it can happen to anyone at any given moment.

Let's first define what a situation-ship is.

A situation-ship is when 2 people "act" like they are in a relationship but they are not officially in one. What usually happens is that they still go out on dates, speak regularly, spend quality time with one another and maybe even engage in sexual activity. However, when asked if that is one's boyfriend or girlfriend it is usually answered with a "we are just talking" or "we are still in the process of getting to know each other". That usually leads to complications because 1 person may have their options closed with the hope that a relationship will form while the other person may be chilling until someone better comes along. This messiness occasionally occurs during the dating stage.

Dating Gone Wrong

Dating can become messy when people are not honest with themselves in regards to what they want. Going into the dating pool without a clear vision of what you want along with your expectations can put you in a position to get hurt.

Whether you go into dating with the desire of just engaging in sexual activity or with the longing for a relationship, it is important to explore, decide and embrace your wants and needs. When you do so, you begin to develop intentions with dating.

Intentions WILL navigate who and how you date!

What occasionally happens in situation-ships is that one person may go into dating ready for a relationship while the other person may just want to have fun or in some cases may be afraid of a commitment. The issue is not that both people want different things. The REAL issue is that NO ONE boldly discussed their intentions and wants amongst one another in the beginning.

The lack of communication usually occurs for one of two reasons:

1.) People ASSUME that just because you are going out on dates, that the person you are out with wants a relationship

2.) People are afraid to communicate what they want in fear of losing someone and/or being single.

I am aware that a lack of communication is not always the case. There are instances when an individual may state their wants to an individual. Unfortunately, that does not exclude he or she from being in a situation-ship and this is why:

Verbalizing your wants is essential BUT the actions behind those words is a game changer.

Can I have a TRANSPARENT MOMENT with you?

*I met a guy who I thought was so dope and full of love and positive vibes. I made it clear in the beginning that I was looking for a relationship yet he was honest about not knowing what he wanted and just wanted to go with the flow.

Side note: going with the flow is another way of saying, I have clue of what I want! Even with his uncertainty, he still called me, checked in on me via text throughout the day, spent quality time with me on dates and I met his family and close friends. Even though I was aware of his stance, I thought that my dope-ness mixed with his effort would create a beautiful relationship but it only created a beautiful disaster. I gave my time to someone who had no sense of direction. Despite me verbalizing what I wanted, I settled by giving my time to someone who did not care about wasting my time. Time went by and things did not change. He was still unsure of what he wanted and I was still certain of what I wanted.

The reason why I wanted to share that story is to show how easy we can fall into situation-ships. Again, no one is exempt from it, no matter how wise one can be. In addition, I wanted to show you how vital communication followed with actions is in the beginning stage.

Now the moment I realized a difference in our wants, was the moment I should have walked away literally. I had no business spending my time and energy trying to convince someone to like me enough to want what I wanted. My words became invalid because I did not live out my words.

Now I know what you may be thinking, if the person tells someone that they do not want a relationship then why would that person stay?

Simple...that person has left room for hope. Although the person has verbalized their wants, their actions contradicts everything that they say. See, their actions imitate's a boyfriend/girlfriend which leads one to

believe that one day a commitment MAY happen. The reality is that sometimes you become the benchwarmer for another player who will actually be put in the game. In other words, once the situation-ship ends, that person more than likely continues on with their game or they find someone whom they actually get into an actual relationship with.

The point of this post is to bring to light how and when situation-ships form. Many people suggest that it can occur at a specified time frame after genuine interest is shown. I beg to differ and believe that it can begin on the first date or interaction. You may not notice things heading towards a situation-ship immediately but that does not mean that you are not building a foundation that encourages it.

So now that you understand how easy it is to fall into a situation-ship through dating...NOW WHAT!?

Stay tuned for PART 2 where I discuss the effects of situation-ships and what to do when you find yourself in one.


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