When first meeting a person, the BEST thing to do is: Talk! Talk! And Talk some more! A wise man by the name Rickey E. Macklin once told me, as I would paraphrase it to be, your time should not be wasted so take your time to talk to a man to even see if there is substance there.
It seems very simple and straight to the point right!?
It is NECESSARY to ask questions and plenty of it!
What is the point of speaking and spending time with someone if you both do not share the same beliefs, values, goals, interests and more.
I believe that asking questions based on your “non-negotiable” (see previous blog, A Self Full of Worth, on what it entails) will set the tone of who you are and your expectations and may even prevent disappointments.
Please be mindful that prevention does not mean that there is a total elimination that takes place. To be honest, people lie and in many cases people can lie well. However, by having conversations based on tough questions such as: Do you have a relationship with Christ, what are your intentions, do you want kids, where do you see yourself in 5 years and more; will set the tone in your purpose of a relationship.
Your mouth can either bring a person closer to you or farther away. Be sure that you verbally state flat out if you are looking for a friend, friends with benefits, marriage, pen pal or whatever it is that you want.
When you go to an interview, you ask and answer questions that will hopefully showcase your qualifications. You have not yet been offered the job so you cannot show your qualifications just yet. All you can do is speak on your characteristics and your experiences and what your intentions are with that specific company.
The employer will take everything that you said to make a wise and sound decision if they see you fit for the job.
Treat your meeting with people as such. Rather it is on the phone or over coffee/tea, do not be ashamed or afraid to admit that you are at a point in your life that you are looking to get married or you just want to date around casually.
If people were more honest, less tears will be shed.
I mentioned earlier that people can lie and that is very much true! I am in no way implying that someone who says that they are ready for a relationship actually wants one! Be wise and use discernment to see if that person’s words aligns with their actions.
Listen and watch carefully!
If you have to tell a person “no” because they do not value what is important to you (non-negotiable) do not be hesitant with it. Never be ashamed of your no. That question that you asked can be a deal breaker and prevent a road of time being wasted.
Some of you reading this now many have had to say a lot of “no’s” to someone who is not a believer in Christ, or someone who does not respect the fact that you have a child. It is not easy to stick by your “no’s”, especially if the person is desirable.
I am here to tell you that your “no’s” cannot be in vain! Refuse to allow it to be in vain. Look at your “no’s” as footsteps towards the right one! Each time you tell a person no, you become one step closer in meeting the yes person.
Do not be discouraged and continue to talk your mouth off when meeting a person.
I would advice you to do these things, which I do, that helps with your frustrations and disappointments:
1.) Be honest with God.
Tell him how you feel! Stop sugar coating things and be real! There are times that I tell God, “ughhhh I know so and so isn’t right for me because they don’t love you but God he is so fine or God he is funny. It is not fair”. It may sound foolish to some but it helps. If God is suppose to be our creator, why not tell him ALL things. I have a journal where I write to God and I am so honest with him that after I write, I feel relieved. He becomes my personal counselor.
Begin to tell God what you want in a person and what your heart desire! Write them down and pray over it. Now some things on your list can be unrealistic, so be wise!
2.) Have supportive friends.
Relating to others is indeed helpful. Connect with other people who you share the same views with and be real with one another. I cannot tell you how many wings night or ladies night I have had discussing my frustrations with men!
Friends who have your BEST interest at heart will NOT lead you astray! They will be honest with you, even when you do not want to heart it! They can even pray with you and for you.
3.) Walk in your purpose/gift
If you sing, sing. If you write, write. If you cook, cook. Use your time to perfect your craft. In the process of you walking in your purpose, you may even meet the one for you.
Do not be distracted with failed meetings that you find yourself sitting in bed all day and not experience life! Sometime a heart break makes for a perfect poem or art piece.
I would not have started this blog page if it was not for my breakup. That is why I find myself thankful for it! Trust me when I tell you, you will feel more empowered and fulfilled when you walk in your purpose.
Please do not give up on love! Embrace your no’s. It re-iterates your standards! There are some things that you should not compromise on.
Continue to be great and lovely in all that you do because you never know who is admiring you from afar.
Until that distance becomes near, stick by your morals and standards because it will not be in vain.