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You Can Live A Single Life or Maximize It. Which One Will You Choose?

Over the past few years, I have noticed that women have over spiritualized singleness as only consisting of one's walk with Christ. Although, one's relationship will God should be highly prioritized, it is essential that there is an emphasis on singleness being a time to learn invaluable lessons, heal, develop professionally and personally, set and accomplish goals and the list can literally go on and on. Unfortunately, many people have missed out on the latter side of singleness and as a result, live a mundane life.

Therefore, I implore women to maximize one's singleness by doing the following 4 things.


Dive deeper into purpose

If you have been following me for quite some time, you know that I have a passion for purpose and what it means to be purpose-driven. In my book, This Is Not Your Typical "Finding Your Purpose" Book, I define purpose as being a selfless lifestyle that positively benefits an individual or group. That is usually accomplished through the service of one's gift or passion in the area of community service, feeding the hungry, opening a business that benefits others, teaching, coaching, and more. During a woman's singleness, this is the time to dive in and for some, dive deeper in purpose.

If you do not have an idea of what God has called you to do or where to even start, I want to remind you that God has called us to love ALL people and spread the gospel.

Love is a selfless act that takes strength to do because everyone is not easy to love. If you are single and do not know what to do, start by loving people through service. Service can be as little as buying a random person a cup of coffee, assisting your loved one with a chore or errand, or even feeding the homeless. Serving is a humbling experience that will not only make you feel good but it will teach you a whole lot about yourself in the moments when serving gets difficult because serving can be difficult. But that is another conversation for another day.

For my single women that are already walking with purpose, I encourage you to dive deeper into it by studying your craft more, read helpful books, explore new ways to grow, and begin to brainstorm ways that you can merge your skills. Do not be afraid to expand what you are doing or try something new. Now is the perfect time to do so and you never know what can come out of it.


Internal and External Makeover

Being single is the perfect time to get your true self together. I am not talking about the obvious things that anyone that knows you is aware of. I am talking about that envious heart of yours or how easily agitated you feel towards others when they need your assistance with something or the confidence your greatly lack.

The internal work or makeover is greatly beneficial since you have an opportunity to work towards discovering the best and healthy version of yourself. Who wouldn't want to experience that!?

Once you realize the areas that need improvement, it is time to be proactive in making a change. Please note that changing a bad habit is not an easy nor overnight task that has to be done alone. With the assistance of a licensed Mental Health Professional, he or she can provide you with the tools and resources you may need in order to heal, unlearn, and/or grow.

Sometimes healing requires therapy. So if you are in need of a therapist, I suggest you check out Therapy for Black Girl.

Now for the external factor

This may rub some singles the wrong way but it must be said. Use your singleness to get yourself physically together.

I am not implying that you need to fit into society's standards of beauty because they are unrealistic. However, being single should not be a red carpet towards health issues that could have been prevented. So use this time to invest in your physical health because your body is a temple of God. Below are some ways that you can invest in your health:

  • Walk for at least 20-30 minutes

  • Do an indoor workout

  • Cut back on unhealthy meals

  • Drink more water

  • Be consistent with your doctor appointments

  • Rest

Please note that being healthy and investing in your outward appearance should not be done in hopes that you find a man, but be done in order to make you feel better about yourself FOR yourself. How you view and love yourself will determine the type of person you choose to be with, in the end.


Professional Development

Very often singles are advised to rack up on degrees but rarely are encouraged to seek out resources and assistance needed in order to grow in the knowledge they have obtained. If there is an area that you are professionally struggling in, this can be a great opportunity to sign up for a leadership course or program, network with like-minded professionals, or seek out a mentor.


Purge the things that do not bring honor to God out

I was not planning to add this to the list until I joined Tiphani Montgomery's 7 day fast in December of 2020. One of the scriptures that stood out to me during the fast, came from 2 Timothy 2:21

"If a man therefore purge himself from these, he shall be a vessel unto honour, sanctified, and meet for the master's use, and prepared unto every good work".

There is a purging that needs to take place in order to be of great use to God and positioned to do good work.

I often hear the importance of asking God to forgive us for our sins but rarely have I heard the desire for God to purge the ugly, wicked, and dishonorable parts of us that grieve Him. This is an important practice if you want to truly want to expand and have

God put you in places that you could have never imagined, and give you mind-blowing ideas. But you must be open enough to be a vessel that is willing to allow God to expose you to YOU.


As you can see, there is a lot that can be done during your singleness. If you take full advantage of the things mentioned above, your future spouse, your family and most importantly YOU will be glad that you did so.

1 comment

1 Comment

Oretha S
Oretha S
Jan 13, 2021

Everything about this post is golden! Singleness is not passive; it is active. Thanks Ms. Joy!

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