This question was asked by Arkeem.
This is a sensitive topic that is not to be taken in a way as if one must go by this guideline. This is simply just my personal thought on the subject.
A child is a blessing from God but that in no way means that a relationship must manifest. I do believe that it is important for structure to be present in child’s home but is it to the extent of forcing a relationship not based on love for that individual person. As mentioned, structure is important but sometimes staying in a toxic relationship can do more harm to the children involved.
We live in a world where we would like our first to be our last. A great example would be one’s virginity. Wouldn’t it be great if we can be with the person whom we lost our virginity to. Some will be ecstatic with that notion because there has been a deep and memorable connection formed. However, others be content with that idea being dismissed simply because of that person’s character.
Now how does virginity compare to children!?
Sometimes we believe that circumstances and outcomes are grounds for things to stay the same such as losing one’s virginity to a particular individual. When it comes to children, we would like the idea of staying with a person because a child creates such a deep bond between you and that person’s mother or father. There is nothing wrong with desiring that but there are times that the term “co-parenting” is more appropriate.
Let’s face it, some have slept with women and men that they know that they would not want them to be the mother or father of their kids. That can lead a person to feel obligated to stay. There are various reasons to want to stay such as keeping the peace at home, create structure in the home, for the sake of a child and more. A child should not be jail sentence or make you feel trapped to stay with a person. I do believe that having a child with a person that you do not see a future with can create many complications but that is where maturity and communication comes in hand.
The foundation of love should be the glue throughout every family home. You should want to be with the mother of your child or the father of your child because of love first.
Some people believe that love can grow throughout the child’s upbringing and hope for the better when simply the worse can formulate. With co-parenting, you must remember that every decision you make should be based on the well-being of that child, not the well-being of you. Sometimes relationships do not work and not staying in that relationship does not make you a bad mother or father. In some cases it can make you wise. Remember, kids see and remember everything at an early age. If a child is bringing brought up in a home where they see mommy and daddy fight it will have an impact on them during their later years.
Again, this is a touchy subject that many may not agree with or feel that I do not truly understand because I have never been a mother.
I do believe that the question itself leads to a direct answer in itself. If you must ask yourself, am I staying because of the children then you must begin to deeply contemplate on what you want to do next.
I have met some amazing mothers and fathers who are great with their kids and are no longer with their kid’s parent. Their love for their child has not change but the love for their kid’s parent may have. In some cases, love may have been absent all along and they may have tried to force things. I have also seen times that when it is forced, things begin to grow worse; but as soon as they let go and co-parent things become better.
You are not always with the person you love. You are not always with the person that you have shared first time experiences with and you are not always with the person that you have had a child with. Does that make you a bad person; NO! Anyone who thinks that is ignorant. A child does change your life and can impact one’s dating/relationship experiences but that does not mean that being in a co-parenting relationship is grounds for love to not exist for you. Being single, despite circumstances, can invite the RIGHT one to you.
So do I feel like you must stay in a relationship with someone whom you had a child with; no. Do I feel like some people do; yes. Do I feel like you can force love to happen by doing so; no and that is because things from the outside may look great but you yourself need to feel a peace about your feelings. That is why many people in general feel an emptiness or feel like something is missing while staying in a relationship. The piece that it missing is, true love.
Remember, with whatever decision you make, take it up in prayer and God will guide you through it!